Husband Hearing

At a recent wedding, I heard at least 3 people complain about their spouses hearing – or rather not hearing what they were asked to do or how they needed to respond to something.  My partner’s lung specialist calls this “Husband Hearing” and then gets a twinkle in his eye.

Don’t believe it for a minute, and it is a problem guaranteed to get worse as we age.

Here are several catagories that this kind of hearing could be:
#1.  Selective Hearing: This is a learned system by the brain to code, define, and relay sounds that are necessary for survival.  It is important to filter sounds and this is why we need to be careful of young babies hearing, because it takes a while to learn what are important sounds and what is just noise.  Selective Hearing needs practice and corrections or it atrophies into old pathways, which as we grow older maybe dead ends.

#2.  Learning Problems and Challenges: Many children have “intake” problems for information intake, storage and retrieval.  Just like glasses can help children who do not have great vision, exercises and practice provided by a speech therapist or pathologist can make huge changes in this area of hearing.  When folks were dating, all systems were on high levels of listening, and as we relax and become less vigilant the older problems can reappear.   This is a problem that should not be ignored and for which there are many, many solutions.

#3.  Organic Problems: This area includes deafness or the atrophying of the cilia in the ear canal.  There are also brain pathway disruptions that can interfere with hearing and interpreting.  Once again this is a problem that should not be ignored and for which there are numerous professionals and devises which can even eliminate the problem.  The sooner the better for the responding and correcting this hearing loss experience.  Foods can cause organic hearing loss also as can colds and inflammations.  (Just think about driving over the mountains and how your ears need to “pop”!)

#4.  Poor Communication Skills: I think many folks just think that hearing comes naturally to us all and it is only profoundly deaf individuals that have problems.  Most communication skills are taught and modeled behaviors first in the home and then at school.  Listening to music is very helpful, or taking a course on listening to music can assist in this area, but just watching a video or program on TV is too passive.   This is another area where businesses are teaching their employees how to have good skills and listen with cross-cultural ears, and when folks can learn they usually progress within their firm or work place.   Their skills tend to improve at home also.

This is not a complete list, rather just a collection of the most common complaints that I hear from many couples along the way. They are usually indicators of something more serious going on and they need attention.   The best approach for a partner is to get an evaluation completed and some training from a professional and I think there will be more happy endings

Do you know someone who does not hear well what others are saying?  Did you just think it was insulting behavior or disrespectful?  Are you surprised that they are more serious indicators of problems?

Related Reading:
Basic Communications Model